what dreams may come

I've always had dreams in which a house takes center stage. It's like it becomes its own character in my dreams. A house, some sort of structure to call home. I'm usually looking for something and it always feels as thought I have been there before. Maybe I'm just tidying up my mind as I sleep, going through room after room up there and coming up short.

Last night was no exception.

Another house. I recognized it as my home but in the waking world I know it's no house I've ever really been in. Not that I can recall anyway. The people in it were familiar. It almost felt like a school inside. I kept running into people from my old school days while I was trying to find my room. And then, as dreams do, the world switched up on me. I was in a hotel that felt like a home - like I had been there many times before. I was known there. It was so big it even had it's own mall attached to it. The staircase itself in the main lobby rivaled any southern mansion. But he hallways scared me. The doors all looked exactly the same save for the small golden numbers in them. Some doors were open, some were locked, none were mine. I kept finding people I knew but I wasn't bunking with them. I knew I had to have a single room of my own, farthest away from the mall and the crowd. I had to do something in that elusive room. Something important. Then I was drawn into one room... and was distracted by the glow coming form inside. And there he was again... not him exactly for his body was absent... but his presence... it was there. It was all over the room. I knew him. I knew him well, intimately even, though while I was going through his things and taking in his smell I couldn't see his face clearly. I just knew I was here once, with him.

And that's the kicker.

I wonder if I will always dream about him. In the waking world I know perfectly well who it is in that room. And I don't know him as well as I used to. Maybe it's a lot harder to say good bye than I thought. How long does it take to get someone out of your soul? Does it happen? Am I going about it all wrong? It was wong in the first place. Is this just guilt? Are we all as simple as that? Or would that be the blessing?